The Truth About Squeaky Noises
by Chibi-Yukito
Summary: Ok. Ryuu-sama/Chibi-yukito have teamed up together to justify all of everyones mushy lovestruck fics intertwined with the most extra-terristrial of all humour. WARNING: Mind reading, puberty enhanced things. Oh and extreme OOCness. S+S. E+T FLAMEOK Prolog
1. Prolouge

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Disclaimer: Ryuu-sama and Chibi-Yukito run around glomping everyone in sight who actually dared open this…uh…um…you make up the name. 

Ryuu-sama voices: Ahem…we would like to announce that we absolutely completely and utterly worship, adore, bow down to, praise the ground they walk upon, all of the wonderfully adaptable and intelligent women who are responsible for the holy birth of CLAMP because…THEY WROTE THE MOST WONDERUL AMAZING SPECTACULREST ER THINGY CALLED CARD CAPTOR SAKURA! AND OTHERS! And as a matter of fact, this may come as a huuuuuge surprise to most. They own it. Not us. Them. 

Chibi-Yukito voices: Terms and conditions apply.

By the way…Ryuu-sama…Ryuu-sama is a girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And my name is not Jeffrey!!! But you can mail me on jwptmurray@optusnet.com.au 

That is all.

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The Truth About Squeaky Noises.

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Squeak. Squeak. 

Creak.

Smash.

Crumble.

"YEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!"

Riiinggg.

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'No! How could it? I was having the most beautiful dream! And, and…EWWWW!!!'

The door burst open.

"Syaoran, Syaoran! Are you oka…WHAT THE?!"

"I'm sorry. I began with my fantasies. I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Syaoran Li. Martial arts trainee, ten times winner of most droolworthy guy at Seijou High, ex-Cardcaptor, and that pretty much sums me up. Not counting all the other wonderful things I have said or done in my life. And that monstrosity over there…that…thing…is my cuzzie, Meiling Li. I honestly think that she was adopted out of pity at birth. What a pity.

"Now back to the present of earwrenching yaddering (new word! Isn't it cool?) From the-monster-who-wont-leave-me-alone.

"Syaoran…w-when did y-you start…erm…th-thinking about-about Sa-sakura l-like that?"

**__**

'That got me out of bed. In which I am sure is related to the swamp down the park…'

"WHAT!!!???"

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That got me thinking. And drooling. And bleeding. Courtesy of the nose. 

What eventful morning."

"Oh shit! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late, and I'm late! Oh, and did I mention I'm late? Alllll because of Meiling's oversized, futuristic, mind-in-the-gutter, rising to a conclusion, gasbag of a mouth. She HAD to tell Wei, and Wei HAD to give me a lesson on his point of view of sex education…and you wonder why I fantasize about Sakura. Heck, I'm seventeen already! I don't need that crap! I've already got my own suggestions. 

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*Flashback*

Somebody knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" 

"Me, Wei."

"Come in then."

Wei came and sat on my bed. Hell, he looks serious.

"Now Master Xiao-lang, I know you've probably heard it a thousand times, but I want you to realise that when you hit puberty you may start having strange dreams –"

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'Oh god. THE talk. Why now?'

"Wei," I said. "Can we go over this later? I'm late for school."

He only blinked.

"Fine."

***End flashback***

"Hmmm…his point of view isn't very long is it? Bah…who wants to know what an 80 something year old retired martial arts trainer has to say about how to "DO" it…Wellllll, not right now anyway.

"Eh…who am I kidding? I didn't win any of that, all except the martial arts thing was made up to make me look cool. And the Sakura bit. **Blush**. Which didn't work, judging by the smirk on your face. The one that says 'liar liar pants on fire!'

"And Wei is the coolest guy EVER."

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Chibi-Yukito voices: like it? Hate it? Email us or click the button below. 

Ryuu-sama voices: …THANK YOU FOR EVEN BOTHERING TO READ THIS, YOU GRACE US WITH YOUR PRESENCE! Please review. It would be greatly appreciated.


	2. Chapter One

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Disclaimer: Yes yes!!!! We own…*turns to police* what do we own again? *Police shakes head* ah…forget it. We don't own it. The only thing I own is Bob the elf who lives in my pinky. He flew to the moon. 

*Chiharu starts hitting Ryuu-sama and Chibi-Yukito over the head with Kasumi's mighty mallet*

@_@

(~_-)

Chibi-Yukito voices: Isn't he cute?

Ryuu-sama voices: HE! HE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK OF ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not, never were, *glares at Yoda* (inside joke) A BOY, MAN OR ANY OTHER MALE SPECIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm a cute and lovable…OH FORGET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Authors notes: Please, be warned. Don't ask. Most of this chapter was written by Chibi-Yukito, a.k.a. me. Ryuu-sama shall be writing the next one, if she isn't too blocked. Feel for her J 

And thanks to all whom reviewed. * Literally kissing the ground they walk on*

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The Truth About Squeaky Noises – chapter one. Co-written by Ryuu-sama and Chibi-Yukito. *Grins*

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*Third person Sakura POV *

"AAARRRGGGHHHH!"

Crash.

Bang.

"OOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

"SAKURA! Shut up! Guardian of the seal trying to sleep over here! Keep it down a little!"

Sakura yelled again. Sitting up in bed, she caught a glance of Kero struggling to close the drawer his room resided in. Seeing that didn't wok, he snuggled under his makeshift blanket and shoved his head far under the pillow.

Just then, music blared out of Sakura's CD player's speakers. Her alarm was set for 7:30. 

"When moonlight crawls along the street chasing away the summer heat footsteps down, somewhere below…"

"AAAAHHHH! Turn it off! It isn't school today!"

Kero was disoriented.

Sakura jumped up and bolted around her room pulling on the first article of clothing she found. She yanked a brush through her hair, leaving in the previous day's pigtails. She raced downstairs, gulped down a glass of juice in three seconds flat, grabbed a piece of toast from the plate in the middle of the table, flung her school bag over her shoulder and pulled on her roller blades. 

"Good morning monster."

She skated over Touya's foot, in which he then howled in pain, jumping all over the room, ending up falling onto the kitchen table and then the toast plate teetered on the edge, nearly falling off until Fujitaka calmly as though nothing happened reached over and tilted it back onto the table then proceeded to fry some eggs.

Sakura zoomed along so fast to school that even the most innocent bystander would have thought she was using Dash card. Yet, she still managed to catch the boiled sweet Yukito threw her while waiting for Touya at the corner.

She was just at the gate when the sound of a loud[ish] bell rang throughout the school.

Her eyes widened. She had never been this late before! She bladed as fast as her fifteen-year-old legs would carry her. 

Through the halls she went, never bothering to stop and call in to the late window for tardiness. Or changing her blades for shoes. 

Finally up hall 10 to classroom A. she had the same people in her class from fourth grade. Coincidentally, they were all in the same spots as before also…

She saw the door up ahead and luckily made it through without crashing into anything. However, she miscalculated the distance between hers and Li Syaoran's desks. So, the poor girl was going so fast that she didn't have time to brake and so she crashed rather hard into Li's chair landing her on top of his lap as his feet were up on the desk, and he was half asleep.

Then Syaoran woke up from his pretty dreams.

"GYAHHHH!" he yelled, pushing the unconscious Sakura off his lap.

Amazed that the object of his affections was sprawled across his lap in the most compromising position possible, Li fainted on top of her.

Tomoyo taped.

Eriol snickered in the background.

Terada-sensei wasn't there.

Takashi was in the middle of some bullshit that mentioned falling onto someone meant you were going to die a horrible death.

Chiharu was advancing on him menacingly with a super-mega-30-horse-power-automatic-mallet from behind.

Takashi was unconscious on the floor next to Li and Sakura.

Tomoyo screeched 'cute!' for no apparent reason.

Eriol laughed outright.

Terada-sensei arrived in the disarranged classroom amid people crowding around the few people on the floor. 

Terada-sensei whipped smelling salts out of no where and held them under the said student's on the floor's noses.

Said students on the floor woke up at once. 

"So…how's it going Sakura?" Li said from the floor, swirly eyed.

"Not too bad Li-kun…" 

*Clonk*

(**A/N** Ooh…the turtle! Don't go near the turtle! I'll get you out of there!)

Terada-sensei, as quick as possible, rounded up the surrounding students and plonked each one back into their respective chairs. He then started the booooooooring history lesson on the antics of Christopher Columbus. 

Snoring could be heard around the silent room.

"Sakura? Sakuuuuura! It's lunchtime!" 

Li tapped Sakura on her head with a pencil.

"Sakura? Wake up Sakura. Tomoyo said to meet her outside the library for some…research or something."

He tapped her again, this time with Terada-sensei's meter ruler.

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'Hmmm…' he thought. _'I know…'_ "SAKURA! YOU'RE LATE FOR SCHOOL! GET DRESSED!" he yelled in her ear.

Sakura jumped three meters from her seat and cowered in the corner, looking at Li with scared eyes.

"Oh sorry, Sakura, I didn't mean to yell THAT loud."

"Why'd you wake me up? I was having a nice dream, which I have now forgotten, SINCE YOU WOKE ME UP! Bursting my ear drums in the process…thanks a lot, Li."

"How do you know if it was a nice dream if you can't remember it? Tomoyo wants to meet us at the library for study work. On that Columbus guy…or something. He sounded boring, probably why you fell asleep?"

"Yes."

They walked slowly to the library, Sakura rubbing sleep from her eyes.

They passed by the girl's bathroom. Sakura heard a noise; Li did not seem to notice what it was. She stopped, and she put her ear to the door.

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Squeak…

Squeak, squeak…

Squeak, squeak, squeak…

Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak…

"Li? What's that noise?"

"What noise?"

"THAT noise!" she said as she heard the squeaking again. "It's coming from the girl's toilets."

Li nearly fell over. "I'M not going in there! That's against the law…I think…?"

Sakura shook her head. "I'm not asking you to. Come on, let's go eat." She grabbed his hand and dragged him off to where they we're meeting Tomoyo for lunch.

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*Tomoyo*

Tomoyo was waiting for the two…impatiently outside the library. She tapped her foot on the grass then looked at her clock.

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*Eriol*

Eriol Hiiragizawa was innocently (of _course _he wasn't purposely walking past to check up on Tomoyo Daidouji. Him? A stalker? No…) passing by when he saw the purple haired angel looked annoyed. He decided to stop and chat to her a while.

"M'Lady, how are we today?" He asked her, neatly bowing, but regretting it afterward thinking that that might actually be going overboard a little.

"Fine, fine."

"No, you're not."

"Don't poke your nose where it don't belong."

"Sorry M'Lady."

"AND STOP CALLING ME M'LADY!"

Eriol eeped. She was angry, and no one knew why. "Must be that time of the month again…Sorry Your Highness, I'll just be going now!"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY? NO FORMALITIES!"

Eriol bolted.

**__**

*Chiharu*

*Whack*

"Sorry! I didn't mean to – "

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*Slap! *

"I meant that – "

*Wallop*

Yamazaki fell to the floor, thinking that there was some sort of disease that infected all women around him. I almost feel sorry for him.

*Syaoran POV*

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'Going by the rules that I've been taught…damn what's the next bit? Geez…'

Syaoran was trying to get his mind of the very beautiful (though she didn't exactly know it) girl beside him. He decided to start singing random David Bowie song's in his head.

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'Ch-ch-ch-changes…'

"What did you say Li-kun?"

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'There goes that _idea…'_

*Tomoyo POV *

It was taking hours and hours according to Tomoyo's watch for Li and Sakura to arrive at the meeting place (a.k.a. the library step). "Hmmm…" she mumbled to herself. "Behind the building perhaps? Hehehe…"

She then got her camcorder out of her backpack and turned it on – the battery was fully charged and ready to go. She pointed the lens towards her face after setting the settings to black and white with a mist effect to make it look creepy…

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"While Li and Sakura amuse themselves behind the building, whichever building that may be, I shall pursue the mystery of…"

She put on a creepy announcer voice.

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"…The truth about squeaky noises. These squeaky noises have been heard for decades from the girls' bathrooms on the third floor of the history/geography building. No one has yet been game enough to venture inside to check it out. While these noises persist, I find it is my duty to find out – "

"Tomoyo, why are you filming yourself?"

Tomoyo jumped and switched off the button on her camcorder then whirled around ready to tick off the person sneaking up on her. Her stomach cramped. "I wasn't filming myself…" she clenched in her stomach muscles. "I was…erm…checking to see if the effects worked still. I erm…dropped it after class." She didn't want Li or Sakura to find out about her investigation.

Li smirked. "I'd go _into_ the bathroom if I were you. I mean, it can't be that scary…*I* can't go in there, it's not allowed, remember the guy who was scarred for life after going in there? It's a dangerous place, but you can do it Daidouji-san. Me and Sakura-Chan _believe in you._" 

"Exactly HOW long have you been there?" Sakura blinked in the background.

"I heard some noises in the bathroom. Li was scared to go in there, so I didn't."

"Liar."

"No way!"

Tomoyo's stomach cramped again, only this time harder. "Ooh…" she bent over, wrapping her arms around her stomach.

"Tomoyo-Chan, are you alright?" Sakura asked worriedly, bending down and putting her hand on Tomoyo's back. Tomoyo stood, the stomach cramps suddenly leaving her in peace. 

"Yes, I'm fine Sakura, just a cramp."

Li turned green. "Sa-Sa-Sakura-Chan, what's a…oh nevermind."

Tomoyo smirked evilly. _'That's the second time –Chan was used in her name…what exactly DID happen behind the building? Next time I'll _follow _them…'_

Syaoran noticed the smirk and the colour red replaced the sickly green. _'Oh no…I used –Chan…damn…'_

Tomoyo knew of the inside fight in Li…always "should I tell her? Should I not? Oh my God what am I going to do?" she'd just say, "ask her out for gods sake" next time she got the chance. At the moment though, she was glad that they'd forgotten about the…_investigation _she was holding about the mysterious squeaky noises in the third floor history/geography building girls' bathrooms.

"We should get to starting this assignment on Columbus."

Sakura blinked. "WHAT assignment? I never knew we had an assignment? Why didn't anyone tell me!"

Syaoran dragged her mumbling about not knowing about the assignment into the library.

NOW we're getting somewhere. I apologise greatly for the long slow update, I know some of you actually thought it was humorous. I changed the prologue around a bit, set it out a bit differently, and maybe added a word or two. Or three. Actually not many more words were added, but it IS a prologue, so I have an excuse to make it short. This one is hopefully longer to your satisfaction.

I hate it when authors apologise for the crapness of their writing, so I wont =P 

Please review ^_^


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